Is Romantic Love a Myth? Here’s How Experts Speak the Bitter Truth
You often hear married people saying that the ‘honeymoon period’ flies in a blink of an eye. Why do relationships lose their sheen and color once the ‘honeymoon period’ is over? Dr. Harville Hendrix is of an opinion that there are three distinct phases in a relationship: the IDEAL, the ORDEAL and lastly, the REAL DEAL. When we (both men and women) fall in love, a neuro-chemical called phenylethylamine floods our brain. This instigates a positive outlook towards nearly everything. What happens when we cross this phase to reach the next one? Here’s what experts have to say.
Has the Romance Died?
Alien de Botton, renowned philosopher and author, says that people always want to get a life-long ‘lock’ when they first enter a romantic relationship. Once the imaginary ‘lock’ is secured, our fear of loss diminishes so much so that we stop inspiring our partners to remain with us. Let us all admit that a marriage guarantees almost nothing, except that your relationship gets a seal of recognition and approval. Therefore, if you are in a relationship, it’s advisable that you don’t become complacent, and use the fear of losing romance against your nonchalance.
Be Grateful Towards Your Partner
You probably have a list of judgements on your spouse or live-in partner. Every time they do something against your preconceived judgements and notions, you might feel they are ‘crossing the border’. Well, you should be grateful to your partner for being by your side all those days. Dr. Dain Heer, a prominent relationship consultant, asks men to burn the list and to find at least three things for which they are grateful to their partners. Tell her every day why you are grateful to her and eventually, the sense of gratitude would reach your inner core. With growing gratitude, lust will also grow.
Do Not Over-Expect
Whether you are going on your first date or you have already tied the knot with your long-time partner, Juliet Grayson says that your romance will DIE eventually and you cannot stop it from dying. The renowned relationship counsellor advises both men and women not to do anything within the first thirty days which they cannot do for the next thirty years. If you go the extra mile to woo your dating partner, it will give birth to nothing but unrealistic expectations. Set your expectations realistically, and also do not overpromise. Be particular about financials. If you cannot afford an expensive piece of jewellery for her next birthday, why promise in the first place?
Jo Usmar, a wellness writer, also tells us that doing little things can actually give your relationship that extra cushion. Don’t just let her feel that you are ‘taking her for granted’. Your partner always loves to feel special and it’s the little things that can really go a long way. Do not just plan or promise something which is not realistically possible for you to achieve.
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